Stuck in Go Mode
All Advice Welcome
I just can’t turn my brain off.
How do you ground when you can’t access that part of yourself because your brain is nonstop?
I just left this writing to hop on ChatGPT to see if it could offer a visual of a fan in the same room as an overhead light. I wake up at 4:45 and crash at 9:30. The only time I am fully present is when I am playing a racquet sport. I leave conversations with my daughter annoyed with myself for not being fully available.
How did this happen?
Well...we bought a 100-year-old fixer-upper a few states away.
The last occupants were four European car builders and, as my friend recently said, it has “eyeball construction.” Complete with duct tape and single-pane windows that swing in and out of the house.
But the location will make it all worth it.
As you know I have been talking and writing about inhabiting my body for the past six months. About grounding into myself and living from that space.
This project is putting my foot in my mouth.
Right now it doesn’t seem possible to get there.
When this happens, I remind myself of impermanence. I am stuck in grit mode and need to access more grace for myself. This is my FFT (First F*$#ing Time) renovating a 100-year-old house. I don’t need to be perfect and, most importantly, this feeling of being stuck in go mode will pass.
One thing I keep reminding myself...
Resilience isn’t staying grounded.
It’s returning.
Maybe that’s what I’ve forgotten. I’ve been expecting myself to stay calm when the real work is simply noticing sooner when I’ve wandered and finding my way back.
Here is my survival plan.
Celebrate catching myself spinning out. Becoming aware is progress. The goal isn’t to never lose my footing. The goal is to notice a little sooner each time.
Set a boundary around the house. Preferably in the morning so it doesn’t disturb my sleep. I’ll still have to field calls I can’t control, but for those...it will be what it will be.
Be kinder to myself. Offer more grace than usual because I’m asking more grit of myself than usual.
Keep the basics in place. While my mind is off track, keep my nutrition, exercise, and other routines going. They aren’t luxuries right now. They’re anchors.
Empty my brain onto paper. I don’t have to carry every contractor question, paint color, and loose end in my head. My brain is trying to help me remember. A notebook can do some of that work for me.
Remind myself as often as I need to that I will not always feel this way. The renovation will end. The windows will get replaced. The phone will stop ringing. One day I’ll be sitting on that porch with a cup of coffee wondering why I thought this feeling would last forever.
I’m curious...
What is your go-to strategy when you can’t turn your mind off?
as far as renovating, we did a major renovation at this house. I had everything in a three ring binder and took it everywhere with me. My new mantra is “what if everything works out” I Breathe, meditate and share my gratitude thoughts.
I take deep breaths in and out pray! Then tell myself to relax, relate and release. Repeat the serenity prayer! “ God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Then I go to sleep or take a nap. Be still and know that he is God!